The next... 1 to 3 months are going to be Interesting.
Stressful, but, Interesting.
As I mentioned back on 2/10/2023 - I landed a New Job. Or well, not really a New Job, but a New Role. The job is largely still with the same group I was previously working, just doing more - maybe think of it as a Promotion.
To Recap a bit, I finished my Cybersecurity Certificate Program early JAN 2023. Things weren't exactly going good though... I wasn't getting much interest I felt like for a New Role, New Opportunity. It was mentally taxing as I wasn't sure if it was going to happen or not, I felt stuck and frustrated... Then, suddenly I got a ton of Interest.
Alot can change in a Day, Week, Month, Year... I accepted the Role. From a Job standpoint, I admit... it's not exactly Exciting. I think I'll enjoy the work; it'll definitely be great experience for me. Thing is though, Jobs, Roles, Titles, none of that is really exciting to me anyways... I've been working hard on myself and trying to take that Next Step. Trying to move into a new phase of my life...
This Role, or more specifically what they're paying me to do will allow me too finally do so. THAT - is Exciting to me.
The next 1 to 3 months, I expect I'll be moving into an Apartment. I've already been Apartment shopping, and I think I got it narrowed down pretty good already. I'll probably still check out a few more places when I can... and yep, it's then going to be executing my plan to get moved in, and get things set up the way I want them.
Needless to say, I am still constantly catching my mind wandering... I wish it wouldn't, but... it still does, I can't help it. It's, largely who I am. It's been really hard to be Positive, it's been really hard to Celebrate the Wins. For some reason, I still can't help but focus on the things that didn't happen, or the people that I wanted, hoped would be here - that aren't... It's been tough to come to terms with, it's been tough to move forward. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally. I think I have some kind of association, that if I move forward, I'm saying goodbye or something, and I'm still - not ready for that. It's all making me feel weak, but it's also toughening me up too in some ways. It'll be interesting to see if there's some unrepairable damage from all this, or if maybe somehow, it all can be Healed.
Either way... It's Time. I can't keep focusing on those that aren't here, those that don't seem to want to be here. I can't keep worrying about or overthinking about what went wrong, what I did wrong... I am tired... I've tried... No, I'm not perfect, I overthink, I can get emotional, and yea maybe I could have done things alot different back then, but... things went the way they needed to go. No point in focusing on all those Regrets, because it's HEAVY, I need to shed it... I tried to change things now, and for the future. I tried, with my whole heart, I put it all out there... and in trying so hard, wanting it so badly... I lost who I was. And I need to get that back...
I don't know what the future holds anymore... and, maybe I'm finally getting to a point where I don't care either. I think the Future is bright, that's all I know. I'm looking forward, moving forward. It's Time I start giving my Time, Effort, and Thoughts into the things that are For Me, that Want Me. It's Time I put this Effort into ME. It's Time I start showing up for Myself.
Whatever happens... happens.
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